Mark Baumann, JD, Rachel Hardies, MA, and Angeles Mediation, are accepting referrals by advocates, lawyers, therapists, doctors and other professional persons for their pro bono Domestic Violence Mediation Project. This project is designed to help low income families who have had allegations or a history of domestic violence resolve conflict through mediation. Domestic violence may involve physical and/or emotional abuse, and/or may be perceived as a “high conflict” case. These are difficult cases that require special handling and attention, particularly to both parties needs and safety.

The interdisciplinary DV Mediation Project is an access to justice oriented project, offering people of modest means an alternative to litigation that may also offer a more effective method of managing entrenched conflict patterns. Part of the purpose of the project is to develop and report on effective mediation techniques for domestic violence situations.

The DV Mediation Project encourages attorney and advocate participation and the development of safety plans. Attorneys and advocates interested in participating in the Project may contact Mark Baumann and Angeles Mediation at the number below.

Referrals to the DV Mediation Project will only be accepted from professionals, including lawyers, therapists and advocates. Parties interested in mediation services should ask professionals they are working with for a referral, and/or call Healthy Families for advocate and safety planning services in this or any DV situation. If you are interesting in contributing to the project, as a volunteer mediator, advocate, advisor, counselor, educator, concept developer, or otherwise, please call for more information.

Mark Baumann
360-452-8689

Rachel Hardies
360-670-2336

Healthy Families, 360-452-2381

In this advanced workshop, we will provide and review cheat sheets for recognizing high conflict behaviors and solutions for effectively reducing conflict in very difficult cases. Then, using case examples, we will look at the dynamics of what is happening and explore specific ways of dealing with the problems.

We will introduce some new specific methods for managing high conflict, and facilitate a discussion about High Conflict Institute techniques and participants own techniques for particular problems.

If you had a case that you would like to dissect and study from the high conflict perspective, please contact us before the conference.

Take aways from this workshop will be:

• Understanding the difference between a high conflict case, a difficult case and a situation where parties are temporarily “flooded.”

• Being able to quickly identify high conflict behaviors, with seven categories and 52 specific identifiers (HCP Identifiers cheat sheet)

• Thinking about high conflict cases in four-point structure for, with 32 specific tools for handling difficult parties (HCP Solutions Table (mediation)

• More confidence in how to manage high conflict cases

We will also introduce equipoise as a concept to bring together a collection of tools for staying neutral, balanced, detached from the outcome yet compassionately engaged in the process.

The written materials will include an article on equipoise, two cheat sheets, and articles by Bill Eddy on mediating in high conflict cases, listening, and B.I.F.F, Bill’s method for responding to aggressive demands in a productive manner.

At the training I shared this wonderful poem from Dr. Thomas Gordon:

Listen

When I ask you to listen to me
And you start giving me advice
You have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me
And you begin to tell me why
I shouldn’t feel that way
You are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me
and you think you have to do something
to solve my problem
you have failed me,
strange as that may seem.

Listen! All I asked was that you listen,
not talk or do…just hear me.
advice is cheap; twenty five cents will get
you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham
in the same newspaper.

And I can do for myself. I am not
helpless. Maybe discouraged
and faltering, but not helpless.

When you do something for me
that I can do for myself
you contribute to my fear
and inadequacy.

But when you accept as a
simple fact that I do
feel what I feel,
no matter how irrational,
then I can quit trying to convince
you and can get about this business
of understanding what’s behind
this irrational feeling.

And when that’s clear, the answers are
obvious and I don’t need advice.
Irrational feelings make sense when
we understand what’s behind them.

Perhaps that’s why prayer works
sometimes, for some people…because
god is mute, and doesn’t give
advice or try to fix things.
He (or She) just listens
and let’s you work it out
yourself.

So please listen and just hear me
and if you want to talk, wait a minute for
your turn…and I’ll listen to you.*

*Writings from Dr. Thomas Gordon

obvious and I don’t need advice.

His topic will be the importance and difficulty of listening to and respecting victims of abuse. Domestic violence comes in many forms and can physical and/or emotional and can be perpetrated by men or women. Victims are often in an emotional place where they have been beaten down by their abuser and they often have a difficult time seeing their options and feeling their worth –they feel helpless. Compassionate listening is what victims need first. Only until they feel heard can they start to understand the reality of their situation. This can lead to an ability for abuse victims to start to gain a sense of mastery over their lives.

Mark Baumann litigates and mediates family law cases in Port Angeles, and mediates high conflict cases in Seattle, Bellevue, Redmond, Everett, Tacoma, Olympia and throughout the greater Puget Sound region.

Peacekeepers trained 28 student mediators in February, 2010, and started mediating disputes between students.

Peer Mediation is a program where students help students resolve their problems. Adults are not involved in the mediation process. Students are trained in mediation skills to help their peers resolve conflicts in a nonviolent way. Mediators learn a variety of skills to facilitate communication and listening, that can be applied in mediation and virtually any situation. Mediation skills are an excellent life time skill and item on any resume.

PeaceKeepers would like to thank the Port Angeles Education Foundation and the Kiwanis of Port Angeles for their financial support of the program, and Superintendent Dr. Jane Pryne, PAHS Principal Gary Cameron for their support of the program.

Program developers are Mark Baumann and Taylor Schraudner. Student developers are Madison Baumann and Chloe Johnston.

Angeles Mediation is proud to sponsor the implementation of the New Ways for Families™ program for divorcing families in Clallam and Jefferson Counties. The program is designed to reduce conflict between parents, and the children’s exposure to parental conflict in particular, with a structured 18 sesson counseling program.

Approximately 15 counselors in the two counties, including Peninsula Community Mental Health Center, will be participating, as well as lawyers.

More information about Bill Eddy, New Ways for Families™, and why the program was developed from the high conflict perspective can be found at www.highconflictinstitute.com

Please check back at this web page for updated information, and thank you for your consideration of participating in the program. If you would like to participate in the training, please call, fax or email your name and contact information. If you have any specific questions, please do not hesitate to call.

For information about other similair programs, check out the Oregon Family Institute

6/1/09 UPDATE: I will be meeting the Port Townsend group for lunch on Friday, June 5, at Khu Larb.
-Mark

Mark Baumann
360-452-8689