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Mediation realities

Mediation has lots of benefits over going to court. Mediation can be less expensive, easier, and much faster than going to court, but that is not always the case. Time and expenses depend on the parties and their needs.

The biggest problem for most cases is that communication between you and the other person has become difficult. One of the strengths of mediation is the possibility of the mediator to facilitate effective communication in the negotiation.

Cost effective, not cheap

The cost of a successful mediation is always less than going to court, especially if you pay for lawyers to fight it out. You may well want to hire a lawyer on an hourly consult-and-advice basis, or to represent you in all or some of the mediation process. If you don’t feel you are getting enough information about the process or if the mediator recommends, you should contact a lawyer.

Most court cases involve going to court at least twice, sometimes four or more times, and in a worst case situation for a full trial. These cases can cost $5,000-$30,000 and sometimes much more, per person. The cost for a mediator is almost always much less.

Angeles mediation uses experienced lawyer-mediators so the hourly rate is similar to an experienced lawyer. The reduction in cost is because each party is only paying half the hourly rate and because there is usually no need for expensive court hearings, and because the process takes less time.

Easier, not easy

You are looking for help solving your problem because you and your partner can no longer see eye to eye and communication has become difficult. Maybe you have each become focused on one particular solution and you guys can’t see any alternatives.

Working through these challenges is what mediation is about, and you do it with a mediator trained to address these challenges. Your mediator will listen to you and will not stop listening until you are understood. The other person gets the same opportunity. The mediator will stay neutral, and look for solutions that work for everyone. Angeles Mediation mediators are experienced at finding alternate solutions.

It’s a process, and Angeles Mediation will go through it with you.

Go slow to go far, go fast to crash

That’s an old saying among mediators. If we slow down, the mediator has a chance to really understand what everyone is saying and feeling. Like any difficult situation, it takes time to tease out all the issues. Family law cases, like custody, divorce, dividing property, figuring out shared parenting, always involve a lot of complex issues. Good and lasting solutions are usually discovered after the first meeting.

Mediation usually involves several meetings. This is good because it helps everyone think through things, find new and different ways of looking at things, and gives a chance to sleep on it. Sometimes people like to try out a certain parenting schedule and see how it works, and then adjust later if needed. This is something that rarely happens in court, but it’s easy to do in mediation, it just takes some time.

Mediation is an effective alternative to fighting in court

Maybe the most important thing in mediation is having patience and sticking with it. Most people who commit to the mediation process succeed.

Mediation Ground Rules

Angeles Mediation Ground Rules

  1. Both people want to mediate, and try to work things out. Mediation is never appropriate when one party does not want to participate.
  2. You do not need a lawyer. You may have a lawyer anytime you want, and they can be your coach or be involved in the mediation process.
  3. Everyone agrees to be polite, listen to the other without interruption, keep an open mind, consider everyone’s needs, and stay focused on the future. Everyone is aware of the mediation realities.
  4. Mediation offers flexible ways to proceed, and the parties can always negotiate how the process should work.
  5. Mark can provide legal information and opinions about what a court might do if the dispute goes to court, and can write up agreements as a contract.
  6. Angeles Mediation is a subsidiary of Mark K. Baumann, Attorney at Law PS. Mark has extensive legal experience, but does not represent anyone and will not give legal advice to anyone in the mediation. Mark will never be the lawyer for any person participating in mediation. Mark will never tell anyone what to do, or force anyone to make an agreement. The choice to make an agreement is always your own. (Please ask us about the difference between legal information and legal advice if you are curious.)
  7. Mediation communications are confidential. Offers and negotiation topics may not be disclosed in court. What you tell Mark is not confidential to the other person in mediation, unless you ask for it to be confidential.
  8. Angeles Mediation will strive to make sure the process and outcome is fair for everyone. The mediator may recommend people to additional professional help.
  9. Everyone can express any concerns they have about the process at any time. It’s better to state any concerns you may have so that we can address them.
  10. Each party will be responsible for half of the mediation fees, unless otherwise agreed. Fees are pay-as-you-go, and due on the day of service.
  11. Mediation is governed under RCW 7.07, the Washington Uniform Mediation Act, and all other relevant laws.
  12. These rules may be modified from time to time.

Contact us at 360-452-8689.

Mediation FAQs

Mediation is a flexible process that can be set up anyway people want. Angeles Mediation will help you set it up in a way that meets everyone’s needs.

Do I need a lawyer?

It’s up to you. You are not required to have lawyer. You can complete your case without a lawyer, and you are also welcome to hire a lawyer to consult and advise you or to fully represent you in the mediation process.

How much does mediation cost?

It costs much less than going to court. Mediation takes less time and each party pays half of the mediation cost. The total cost is less than half what it usually costs to pay a lawyer. Each case is different so the total cost depends on how much time your case needs.

Can the mediator write up court documents?

Getting the paperwork done is easy to do in the mediation process. Mediators can write up contracts to cover all the legal issues. Legal Technicians can also write up the paperwork for about half the hourly rate of a lawyer. If you want use the standard court forms you can write up the court documents with the help of the mediator. You can also hire a lawyer to write them up. Angeles Mediation can recommend Legal Techs and lawyers.

Can the mediator give legal advice?

Angeles Mediation mediators are very experience lawyers who can give legal information, but technically not legal advice. We always makes sure the mediation process and outcome is fair to everyone. If it looks like legal advice is important to you, Angeles Mediation can recommend lawyers and Legal Technicians to give you independent legal advice.

Is mediation confidential?

Yes, the mediation process is confidential. What you talk about and offers that are made remain confidential until court paperwork is drafted, signed, and filed in court. There are some exceptions and Angeles Mediation will make sure you are aware of them if they are relevant to your case.

What is the difference between hiring a lawyer or a mediator?

If you want to fight in court you have to hire a lawyer. A mediator will help you solve your case without having to go to court. If you need to go to court, a mediator may be able to help you both organize and limit the topics for the judge to address. In other words, you can settle most of the issues and if there are some issues you can’t settle then you can just take those to court.

You may need a lawyer or Legal Technician to give you legal advice, and you may want to have a lawyer represent you in the mediation. Angeles Mediation will help you know when you may want to contact a lawyer and give you referrals. You always have the choice and option to hire a lawyer or not.

Why should I try mediation?

People typically have two alternatives to solving their legal problems: you can go to court (litigate), or you can mediate. Either choice may be the best one for you. In general, mediation is:

  • Effective: Most mediated cases are resolved without having to go to court.
  • Inexpensive: Mediation can be far less expensive than going to court.
  • Quick: Mediation can be a short-term process and a result can be obtained much faster than in the typical legal process.
  • Confidential: Discussions and disclosures in mediation are confidential. Court documents and hearings are open to the public.
  • You make the choices about your life: If you go to court, the judge will tell you what you get. In mediation, you decide what you get.
  • Zoom-phone-email and/or in person: You choose. Mediation is a flexible process designed around your needs.
  • Maintains relationships: If maintaining an ongoing relationship with the other party is important, mediation is a great way to do so. Fighting in court is a great way to ruin relationships with the other party. Co-parenting is a life long process. You can choose to make it easier through mediation or harder through litigation.
  • Allows more flexibility in the process: You design the process. For example, you don’t have to use consulting experts, or you can share experts to value property, houses, cars –or not. You can share parenting coaches –or not.  You can shoot for a short time frame to reach an agreement, or set a longer goal and try out options before you lock them down with court orders. Depending on your needs, mediation sessions can also be long or short, joint or separate, in person or by phone, in our offices or yours.
What happens in mediation

Common mediation methods

  1. Individual only. Mediator meetings are never with the other person.
  2. Group only. Mediator meetings are always with the other person.
  3. Combo 1, start individually. Mediator meetings start with individual meetings, then everyone meets together if everyone wants to do that
  4. Combo 2, start together. Mediator meetings start with everyone together, and then are individually until everyone decides to meet together again.

However you want to start, we identify what the issues, determine what information is needed to help solve the problems, work to identify possible solutions, and sort out solutions that work for everyone. Mediation usually involves multiple sessions over some period of time, so that everyone has a chance to think about choices.

The parties always choose the outcome. The mediator never tells anyone what choices to make. This is one of the big differences between mediating and going to court. In court, the judge tells you what you will get. In mediation you decide what you will get.

AM mediators are lawyers with decades of family law courtroom experience. They can provide “evaluative” feedback on legal issues. For example, if you have a dispute about what the law is on a particular issue, we can offer an opinion about how a court might rule.

Once you have decided how to resolve the case, final documents can be drafted or a contract can be written up.

What is mediation?

Mediation is a way to help people resolve their disputes without having to go to court. The mediator is a “neutral” who does not take sides, but instead works to help everyone find solutions to the problems. Obviously the parties have not been able to find solutions on their own, and mediators are trained to help with this.

Mediation commonly involves:

  • A difficult to solve problem;
  • A desire to find a positive outcome;
  • A guided discussion about respective needs and interests;
  • Finding a long-lasting agreement.

People often describe mediation as a structured negotiation process, where the mediator creates a structure to help the parties negotiate a resolution. Mediators can also offer new suggestions.

Mediation is effective for any type of case, even “high conflict” and domestic violence cases.

You can always try mediation and do something different if you decide it is not for you. Angeles Mediation always makes sure you know your options and supports your choices.

Call us for more information. 360-452-8689

Equipoise for mediators

Equipoise is the mediator’s art of holding and balancing competing interests, and looking at all things present before making decisions or recommendations. Maintaining a state of equipoise helps the mediator slow down, notice what is being said and what is not being said, needs expressed and not expressed, and notice the emotions expressed or withheld.

Equipoise supports the mediator getting close to each person and really understanding their feelings and experiences, while maintaining the ability to step back and see both sides and maintain a professional stance to the case.

It’s important for all people in the mediation process to have, experience, and express their emotions and feelings. These are usually very important pieces of information for everyone. If someone is afraid, angry, sad, feeling rejected, those usually indicated deep needs that cannot be ignored. Equipoise helps the mediator feel these experiences with the client without becoming consumed by the experience.

Sometimes people in mediation get frustrated and feel like they need to have everything or nothing. These are natural feelings, but usually not very productive. Maintaining a state of equipoise helps the mediator be with the client while they are having these polar opposite feelings while alternatives can be explored.

Click here for a full article on equipoise at the Conflict Science Institute (CSI), including how it can include DMM attachment principles. Mark wrote the first Equipoise article in 2012, and updated it in 2020 for the CSI article.

International Association for the Study of Attachment

Mark Baumann has joined the International Association for the Study of Attachment (IASA) as an ad hoc board member. IASA is dedicated to the study and development of the Dynamic Maturational Model of Attachment and Adaptation (DMM). The DMM is the most advanced model of attachment theory and offers advanced scientific attachment assessments. Mark has trained in four DMM scientific attachment assessments and qualified as a coder of the Adult Attachment Interview using the DMM method.

The DMM model is especially helpful for family law mediators because it describes fundamental family interactions, communication styles, and also the defense mechanisms humans use to survive relationship problems.

The DMM is a complex model and is described in a well written Wikipedia article. The article has links to many DMM resources for further reading. Mark has also written a number of articles about the DMM on the Conflict Science Institute and it’s DMM blog. (ConflictScienceInstitute.com is another internet property belonging to Mark Baumann.)

Angeles Mediation applies DMM principles in family law mediation. Clients interested in learning more about how to apply DMM and attachment knowledge to improving their family’s lives can request these services.

Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (AFCC)

Mark Baumann has joined the board of directors of the Washington Chapter of the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (AFCC). AFCC is an international and interdisciplinary organization dedicated to improving standards and practices in all family law matters, including litigation and mediation.

AFCC hosts blue ribbon commissions to develop best practice guidelines. These include guidelines for mediation, court-involved therapy for when therapists are involved with contributing to the decision making process, and guidelines for examining intimate partner violence.

AFCC mediation guidelines identify three benefits of family law mediation as:

  • Increasing the self-determination of participants and their ability to communicate;
  • Promoting the best interests of children; and
  • Reducing the economic and emotional costs associated with the resolution of family disputes.

Academy of Professional Family Mediators

Mark Baumann joined the newly formed Academy of Professional Family Mediators as a founding member. APFM was created in 2011 after splitting off from the Association for Conflict Resolution to offer an organization dedicated for family law mediators.

Angeles Mediation Pro Bono Domestic Violence Mediation Project 2011

Announcement:
Angeles Mediation Pro Bono Domestic Violence Mediation Project
2011-2012

Mark Baumann, JD, Rachel Hardies, MA, and Angeles Mediation, are accepting referrals by advocates, lawyers, therapists, doctors and other professional persons for their pro bono Domestic Violence Mediation Project. This project is designed to help low income families who have had allegations or a history of domestic violence resolve conflict through mediation. Domestic violence may involve physical and/or emotional abuse, and/or may be perceived as a “high conflict” case. These are difficult cases that require special handling and attention, particularly to both parties needs and safety.

[Read more…] about Angeles Mediation Pro Bono Domestic Violence Mediation Project 2011

Speaking at NW Dispute Resolution Conference

Mark Baumann, J.D., and Rachel Hardies, M.A., will present Exploring High Conflict Cases at the April 30th, 2010, Northwest Dispute Resolution Conference, on behalf of Bill Eddy’s High Conflict Institute.

In this advanced workshop, we will provide and review cheat sheets for recognizing high conflict behaviors and solutions for effectively reducing conflict in very difficult cases. Then, using case examples, we will look at the dynamics of what is happening and explore specific ways of dealing with the problems. [Read more…] about Speaking at NW Dispute Resolution Conference

Family law meditiation training

At the Clallam County Bar Association training for non-laywers, I spoke about the methods and value of mediating divorce cases. At the presentation one I talked about the importance of a mediator listening and respecting the parties. Non-legal professionals can also put these skills to great effect, whether as an advocate, courthouse facilitator, or even just as a friend. It’s said that “people can’t hear until they have been heard”, and this seems particularly true for people involved in conflict and crisis.

At the training I shared this wonderful poem from Dr. Thomas Gordon:

Listen [Read more…] about Family law meditiation training

Keynote speaker at DV Vigil

Mark Baumann will be the key note speaker at the October 20, 2010, Clallam County Domestic Violence vigil, hosted by Healthy Families of Port Angeles.

His topic will be the importance and difficulty of listening to and respecting victims of abuse. Domestic violence comes in many forms and can physical and/or emotional and can be perpetrated by men or women. Victims are often in an emotional place where they have been beaten down by their abuser and they often have a difficult time seeing their options and feeling their worth –they feel helpless. Compassionate listening is what victims need first. Only until they feel heard can they start to understand the reality of their situation. This can lead to an ability for abuse victims to start to gain a sense of mastery over their lives.

Speaking on family law mediation

Mark Baumann, lawyer and mediator, will present on mediation at the 2010 Clallam County Bar Association Family Law Training for non-lawyers involved in the legal system. He will review the methods and value of mediation in family cases, explain why early mediation can be valuable in reducing the overall conflict and cost of a divorce, how mediation is a much better alternative to litigation when parents are interested in getting along for the sake of their child, and explain why listening is the first and foremost tool for mediators.

Mark Baumann litigates and mediates family law cases in Port Angeles, and mediates high conflict cases in Seattle, Bellevue, Redmond, Everett, Tacoma, Olympia and throughout the greater Puget Sound region.

 

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